So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
