those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm too high and old for this...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
