I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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