We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
