Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
