She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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