If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
