you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
