If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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