I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
