I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
