I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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