We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
