all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
