My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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