we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
