The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
