exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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