I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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