She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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