On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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