She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
