To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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