Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
whose parrot is this?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
