the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
