I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
