yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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