You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
home. puking in laundry basket.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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