Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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