well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
