you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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