i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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