HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Randomize
