Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
