I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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