i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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