if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
