you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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