beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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