Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
