soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
