420 ftw
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
