I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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