dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
