even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
