last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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