Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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