My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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