i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
