if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
