She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
