Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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