I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
