So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
