The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
