The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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