bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
