I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
