please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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