i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize