quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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