Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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