Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm getting married
To pizza
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
