I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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