Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize