I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
