hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
